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this is my very first blog on what has been a long a painful journey as I have a partner who has undiagnosed ADHD. So this will be a running commentary of the day to day problems we face – the funny bits and the frustrating bits!!
There are sooo many sites that tell us how we need to make allowances, provide task lists, be patient and set up cues with signals when they are talking for too long, and so on. But hey, it can be very demanding, and lonely. The more books I search the more information I find on how ADHD can affect relationships. But all these books do, is highlight how complex such personalities can be. It’s like dealing with a mental illness, when he is adamant I have moved his keys, and then loses his temper when he trips over his pile of unfinished projects to find them buried under mounds of un filed documents – of course I put them there, he has decided. I can see the funny side to most things but my stoicism has been used against me as I am becoming increasing more relied upon and ever more ‘efficient’.
I teach, and I made the discovery when he once said, his brain was like a motor that never switches off. My own students have ADHD, so I made the connection! But now where to go? There have been many hurtful episodes that now make sense, so you would think I would now make the adjustments like I do in college. But this is where the difficulty lies – I do this all day with students- he is a grown man- the relationship is already damaged as we have a sort of parent child dynamic, because he makes ‘mistakes’-and I ‘nag’. It’s very sad, but what has happened has created a distance that I can’t see being repaired, and I don’t know how to proceed. I work hard and he is retired so motivation is a problem as well. Anyone else get where I am coming from before I go on.. and on…?